a note.
RegretfulJust something.
If there is one thing I have learned from the struggles and mess I have come out of - then this would be it. After the pain and sadness I endured, the hurt and worry I delivered to my loved ones, the frustration and confusion I chose to give to people who just.. didn't really matter at all to me - I learned that getting caught in a fairytale can have major consequences. I realized I could easily hurt people I thought I could never hurt, I could easily shun people I thought I could never shun and most of all - I realized how I changed, terribly this year. I grew into an attitude, I started smoking, drinking heavily and hanging with the wrong crowds. At the end of the day, I want to change who I am and why I am here and I want to prove to people that I'm not the person I was - I'm better, stronger and more aware. I just would like to say, as I come to the end of this tiny little bit, that from everything I experienced in one single year, I learned more about myself than I have ever done before and I feel ashamed of what I once was.
My experience was not kind, and can only be felt if you experienced it yourself. I am so regretful of what I did, everything that happened, everyone I hurt and people whom I misplaced. I left behind some amazing memories, and changed my lifestyle completely. This year was terrible. I promised so many things to so many important people, and haven't granted their wishes, I haven't helped anyone like I used to before, I became an emotional mess. I'm not looking for sympathy at all, because all this time I'm the one who's done wrong. For a month after it happened, I couldn't even face myself in the mirror, I couldn't eat and I couldn't go outside. I truly knew how hating someone felt like, and the person I hated was me. Sorry doesn't help the pain, doesn't bring back the relationships I had, doesn't make me feel any different of myself from what I did as soon as it happened. I still hate myself, but I now realize how I had changed, and exactly how much damage I caused.
After everything that happened I know who I was, who I am now, what I do next and who exactly I need to keep close and special to me. I lost too many people this year, Hannah you are one of them.. I'm sorry I haven't been able to stay in contact much, I hope this kind of explains things and I understand you've probably been through problems too.. and I hope that soon I can be there again and we can talk, once more. In conclusion, I lost friends, I lost strong relationships with family members and I mostly lost myself. And please.. I'm sorry for going off into a huge negative rant, but I have kept this in for too long and I must write it out - this is the first place I am coming to, to vent off. If you have read this far, I appreciate that a lot.. even if you think this is ridiculous. Moral of my story - Trust takes years to build and only seconds to shatter.
Thankyou.
;D
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Honey honey, how he thrills me ~
♥
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Blog - [link]
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what's more important? - the idea or the style?
Thanks~
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Honey honey, how he thrills me ~
♥
x Beth x
Thanks Beth x
Much appreciated <3
x lou x
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Honey honey, how he thrills me ~
♥
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OLIOLOIOLIOLOIOLOIOLIOLOOILIOLOOOOOO!
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Honey honey, how he thrills me ~
♥
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Honey honey, how he thrills me ~
♥
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